Ewwwwww, Boys!

It wasn't until I had my daughter that I realized how truly disgusting boys can be. My first two being boys, it was all I knew. Still, I had an inkling that mine might be a little more, uh, gross than your average boys.
When Goober was three and a half and Crash was one, I baby-sat for my neighbor's girls. Because of that, I would buy cheap cereal from Aldi for them to snack on in the afternoons. A favorite was "fruit loops". One day, I was trying to get caught up on housework while the girls played outside and Goober and Crash were "napping" ( or, rather, supposed to be napping). I began smelling a not-so-pleasant odor. Sniffing, I ended up in front of the boys' room. I heard whispering and giggling. Mentally preparing myself, I entered the room.
There stood Crash, covered in neon green polka dots. Paint? Where did they get... Ohhhh.
Anyone who's ever gone to change their child's diaper after they've been eating something with lots of food coloring knows that shade of green. Goober stood holding a small pillow, with the ruffle wrapped around his fingers. The best explanation my three year old and one year old could give me was that Crash had "gone" and budding picasso Goober had decided to utilize it by taking the ruffle of a pillow, dipping it into the "palate" and painting his baby brother. Of course, in the process, he had gotten it on himself, the bed, the floor, the walls, some toys... . You just can't contain art. I spent the afternoon gagging as I cleaned them and the room up. It wasn't the first, or the last. I've gone through a lot of bleach in the last ten years... . Things have definitely gotten better. They've finally learned to appreciate the "yuck" factor of poo and have stopped using it as a medium, but they've discovered many other ways to gross mom out.
Just yesterday, they managed to do it again. I was rolling out pie crust in the dining room and Crash came in laughing like a maniac, jumping up and down and yelling, "He did it! He ate it!!!"
Being the dummy I am, I said, "ate what...?!".
Crash giggled and said, "he ATE a fruit fly!!!" ( every time we buy bananas we get the stupid things).
I stood there with my mouth open and said, "he did not!".
Crash giggled again and said, "Yeah, he totally did!!!".
Goober came in grinning and said, "yeah. I did- I figured protein is protein".
I started gagging. I never in a MILLION years would've thought he'd be the one to do something like that. :P. I stretched the truth a little and said, "please don't eat fruit flies, they have diseases" ( things you never thought you'd say #2,879). Whether they do or not, I don't care. I know house flies are petri dishes on the wing and to me, fruit flies are guilty by association. Goober had the good grace to go pale and say, "Oh, I didn't know that". I said, "the next time you're hungry, would you please just grab some carrots?" Hysterical laughter.
I can't help but wonder if God isn't preparing me for something big. And gross. Maybe when World War III breaks out, I'll be put in charge of bed pans and dressing gangrenous wounds. Maybe it's just so that when they're all grown and catch their little boys hurling poo diapers around their bedroom or snacking on caterpillars in the back yard and call me in a panic, it'll be my turn to laugh :).