Today started out as just another school day for us. The kids were working away and then Goober came up to ask me a question and then he noticed I was reading a story about the ten-year anniversary observances that were taking place. I've explained it to him before and he asked if that's what they were talking about. I said yes and before long, Crash and Princess were crowded around the computer asking what we were talking about. I decided to take a detour and explain it to them. They're all old enough now and it was a moment in our history when our country changed forever. Just in their lifetimes, so much has changed. The innocence that existed in America until that first plane hit is gone forever. I believe children are more capable of understanding than we give them credit for. If my kids ask me about something, I'm honest with them. I keep it age-appropriate, but I answer their questions.
I explained the background and then we watched the news footage on YouTube. We sat here for three hours, watching footage and talking. I noticed they were going through the same emotions those of us who were alive and watching it that day went through. At first, shock and disbelief. Then, sadness for all those innocent people who lost their lives- those in the planes and in the buildings, and the firefighters. The firefighters who died really affected Crash. Then, anger and wanting retaliation, which brought in the whole aspect of the war we've been fighting since. Then, a feeling of wanting to DO something.
Watching the footage all over again brings all those feelings right back up to the surface. I had tears streaming down my face almost the whole time. Princess did, too, once she fully grasped what had happened. Seeing it through Crash and Princess's eyes as they watched it for the first time was heart-breaking. Princess reacted much the same way I had ten years ago. She just sat and sobbed in my arms. Crash, on the other hand, almost vibrated with helpless frustration and indignation and wanting to teach the terrorists a lesson. Goober watched almost stoically. He sat silently watching the footage with a grim look on his face. He's seen it before and knew what was going to happen. He's what some people call an "old soul". He understands a lot more about the world and human nature than a lot of kids his age. He shoulders it well, though.
They asked me what I remember about that day. I feel like I've shared it a hundred times, but never with the younger two.
Just like everyone else says, it was a beautiful September day. The sky was so clear and blue it almost hurt your eyes. It was Goober's eleven month birthday that day and the sun was shining. I remember just this feeling of "all is right with the world". I think that made it even worse after the fact. Josh had left for school and I was up and around early cleaning the apartment while Goober played. I remember opening the sliding glass door to our balcony to let in the beautiful breeze and thinking it was such a peaceful morning that I didn't want to have the t.v. on ruining it. Normally, I'd pop in a Veggie Tales video to distract Goober while I worked, but not that morning. I was expecting a visitor and when she knocked on the door, it sounded frantic. I opened the door and her face was white as a sheet. I said, "what?". She walked in and said, "have you heard?! Someone flew a plane into the World Trade Center, they think it was terrorists! Quick, turn on your t.v.!" I honestly didn't even know WHAT the World Trade Center was back then. Sure, I'd heard the words, but I didn't understand that there were thousands of people in the buildings. I think I'd always thought it was a monument, or something. I turned the t.v. on and didn't have a hard time finding it- we used rabbit ears and only had a few channels and it was on almost every one. We both sank down onto the couch and stared. When we saw the second plane hit, Susie gave a little scream and I remember my hands going up to my mouth. I'm not sure how long I sat there like that, but it must've been a long time. After the first tower collapsed, it hit me. I grabbed Goober and held him tight, nuzzling his little baby head and smelling his just-shampooed hair for comfort. At some point, she left. Somewhere in the back of my mind, everything started fitting together and I became very worried for Josh at school. Purdue is an engineering school and nobody knew just what this attack was going to entail, what they were going to go after. The news anchors and experts they were interviewing were talking about bombs and chemical warfare and... . That was back before we had cell phones and I had no way of getting ahold of him. I spent the day glued to the news, pacing my apartment, holding my baby and crying. I felt caged up, but didn't want to leave the apartment because I was scared of what might be coming next. When Josh came home later that night like nothing had happened, I wanted to both smack and hug him. I was furious with him for letting me worry all day, but so relieved to have him home. I remember feeling like a caged animal for weeks- especially after all the anthrax attacks started. Nobody knew what was next or how long it was going to last. I was restless, but I was afraid to go out in public. Some of that remains to this day. I've never been a fan of crowds, but I absolutely hate them now. To this day, I will not take my kids anywhere there's a huge crowd gathered. Some would say it's crazy and unreasonable, but in my way of thinking, it's safer.
The kids spent a few minutes asking questions and I did the best I could to answer them. Then, their faces changed. It was almost as if I could see their brains had finished absorbing and filing everything away and needed an outlet to deal with it all. As if reading each other's thoughts, Crash and Princess both ran upstairs and put on the most patriotic shirts they own (something Goober did the first time he learned about it, too) and then out came the paper and crayons. They drew feverishly for a good forty-five minutes. American flags were the common theme, but they also drew pictures of soldiers fighting the terrorists. Then, once again, almost simultaneously, it was over. They quietly hung their artwork up in prominent places around the house and drifted back into the school room. They're now finishing up their school work. It's almost as if they silently agreed to stop talking about it. I think it's interesting, because although my kids' reactions to everything was lightning fast and abbreviated, isn't how the rest of us reacted when it happened ten years ago? Days and weeks of mourning and then walking on pins and needles and trying to make sense of it all and then... it's almost like we, as a country, just needed to take a break and move on. Every year, we take the time to remember and observe, even re-live it and cry, but then we move on. I don't think we're forgetting, but I think it's healthy to want to move on and live our lives, to not live in constant fear and let the terrorists win. If my kids take away one lesson, that's what I want it to be. This is America. We do not give up and we do not live in fear. They surprised us and knocked our feet out from under us for a time, but we always get back up and keep going. They can be proud to be Americans.
image from: http://dcfans.tv/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/god-bless-america.jpg
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