Grown-ups Can Learn Lessons, Too

" A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger." Proverbs 15:1.

This verse is one that has always stuck in the forefront of my mind and I've always tried to utilize it when I'm faced with conflict with another person. It has always worked. I've even had it used on me when I get in a snit over something and my calm, rational, even-tempered (wonderful) husband keeps his cool and talks me down from whatever's gotten me all wound up.

I try to always be as decent as I can to people- "treat others as you'd like to be treated, right?". It's usually not hard. I was blessed with my mom's extra-long fuse, but I definitely have my dad's hot temper. Not many people have been witness to my temper and I'd prefer it to stay that way. I usually seethe in silence over personal slights and then get over it, but there are a few things that can circumvent that long fuse and have me seeing red instantly. The main one is when I feel my children are being threatened. Nobody messes with my kids, period. I know I'm not alone in that, but I know that being so quick to anger isn't a good thing, either.
This morning started like most weekday mornings for us, I stumbled into the kitchen to pour my coffee and get breakfast for the kids so they could get started on school. I realized that the woodsmoke I'd smelled the night before had gotten MUCH stronger. We have a few neighbors that burn wood for heat, so I hadn't thought much of it then, but it was so strong, I looked out the window. The property next to us had three very large bonfires going and the wind was blowing the smoke right across our pasture and toward our house. I made sure all the windows were shut up tight and we tried to get into our day, but before long, the house was all smoky and it was just over-whelming. It was making me nauseous and Princess started saying her head hurt. I probably could've dealt with it if it were just me, but I thought, "if it's making me feel this awful, what's it doing to my kids?". I got annoyed. We tried to ignore it but before long, Goober had a headache, too and my throat was sore and my lungs were feeling tight. I decided enough was enough and told the kids to all take quick showers and get dressed. I decided we would pack up our schoolbooks and drive somewhere upwind to do our schoolwork. It was a pretty nice day for January and we couldn't stay here. As we were going out to the car, I realized all that smoke was blowing right over our dogs' enclosure. They were burrowed under their doghouse trying to stay out of it. Now, our dogs are Huskies and are very strong. I can't handle both their leashes at once, so I figured I'd just leash them and bring them inside the house one at a time where the smoke wasn't as bad. I got the leash on Lily and was bringing her up when Kody nosed the gate open and took off like a shot. He was just a fading spot in the distance by the time my oldest son and I reached the end of the driveway. We ran after him and searched for about half an hour all the while inhaling much more smoke than we had been inside the house. I finally called to Goober and had him come back up to the house. At this point, I was angry and frustrated. I called my husband at work to let him know what was happening and then got the kids in the car to go search for Kody. As we were pulling away, Princess yelled, "there he is! " He had come back up the back way and was on our porch. I grabbed his collar and hugged him all the while yelling at him. I put him in the house and emailed my husband to let him know and then I packed a quick lunch for the kids and we left. Originally, I'd had every intention of just driving somewhere quiet so the kids could work, but by this point, I was angry and looking for someone to take it out on. Who better than the one who'd started this whole mess??? I jumped in the car and pulled into the nearest driveway that looked like it would give me access back to where the fires were. The owner of the house was outside and I got out to talk to him. It wasn't on his property, but the property adjacent that happened to wind back behind his. He was very kind and sympathetic and suggested I call the fire dept. to get a complaint on record. His whole demeanor was like a balm on a red-hot burn and I calmed down considerably after taking to him. I went back home to call and discovered my husband already had... and had been told to call the town supervisor. My temper started to rise again- a run-around! My husband called then and told me he'd talked to the town supervisor (whom he actually knows a little) and she said there was nothing that could be done because the permit wasn't issued by the town, it had been issued by the DEP. Her house is down-wind, too and she told him she understood, but her hands were tied. GRRR! I decided we still needed to leave the house because it wasn't letting up. As I began driving, I once again felt compelled to give the person/s responsible a piece of my mind. This time, I pulled in to the construction site, as far as I could and sat. I thought about getting out and walking right up to his Bobcat, but there was a stream to cross. I had no good way of getting over there. Instead, I sat in my car and shot what I hoped were lethal death looks his way while trying to get the kids to work. He looked up a few times. I know he saw me, but continued to feed trees and brush to the fires. I felt my jaw clench. He was ignoring me!!! We sat there for about half an hour before I decided I needed to focus on the kids' schoolwork. We drove down the road a ways and finally found a quiet place with plenty of fresh air. My chest was still tight and I sat and seethed.
A couple of hours later, it was time to head into the town where my husband works to meet him for dinner since going home wasn't an option. On the way, I noticed the man's truck was now parked up where I had sat only a couple of hours previously. I pulled in next to his truck and thought, "it's getting dark, he'll have to quit soon and if he wants to get into his truck, he'll have to talk to me". Once again, I sat and stared. Again, he looked up several times but then went right back to feeding the fires. Finally, he turned the Bobcat and slowly began coming our way. He got closer and closer until he was up on level ground with our vehicles. He drove straight at me, staring me down through his cab. I thought, "he's playing chicken! Fine, buddy, I'M not moving!" He stopped very close to my car and brought the bucket down about two feet from my windshield. He slowwwly climbed down out of the cab. I opened my door. I heard Crash say, "what's she doing?!". Princess said, "she's going to give that man a piece of her mind." I looked back at my kids and all three of them wore identical expressions, they were worried. I felt a twinge of guilt for dragging them into my fight. He was walking toward me and drawled, "what can I do for you, young lady?" He looked like my grandpa. He looked like somebody's grandpa. Just a kind old man. I thought my heart was going to pound out of my chest. I said, "Hi, I'm your neighbor- white house, green roof". I jerked my thumb in a general "north" direction. He looked at me and shrugged. I said, "right there, that white house? It's full of smoke, and so are my kids". He drawled, "I don't doubt it". I tried again, "Can you give me an idea of when you're going to be done burning all that stuff? I'm home with my kids all day and our house is full of smoke. We had to leave, it's just too much". He said again, "I don't doubt it. I figured I'd hear from someone today. The wind wasn't blowin' yesterday, but it sure is today. Today. Today's the last day. It'll burn itself out tonight and then it's done. I won't be back". I realized then he had probably just been contracted out to do it. He wasn't even the property owner. I started to thaw a little bit. I said, "thank you. I'm sorry, it's just that my kids... ". Then I started to choke up (I hate that!). His expression softened. He no longer looked defensive. He said, "I understand, I got kids myself. I was just doin' my job and I'm done after today". I stood there with stupid tears in my eyes, unable to talk and just looked at him. He said, "I knew there was an angry young lady sitting up here. You should've come 'n talked to me." I threw my hands up and said, 'I would have, but I didn't know how to get across that stupid stream!!". He laughed and squeezed my shoulder and said, "so you won't hold it against me? You're not still mad at me?" All the wind went out of my sails and I smiled and said, "no, and thank you". He squeezed my shoulder again and said, "alright, then, young lady, you have a good rest of your day". I waved and said, "thank you, you, too". When I turned around to walk back to my car, all three of my kids were smiling. As we drove away, Princess said, "see, Mommy?! He was really a nice man! You just needed to talk to him." How much smoother would my day have gone if I had just gone directly to him in the first place instead of continuing to work myself into a bigger and bigger lather?
My kids didn't get much of their schoolwork done, today, but this Mommy learned a valuable lesson. Remember to be slow to anger and try to remember to give people the benefit of the doubt. Perceived injustices are often just that- perceived.